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But I never got used to the side effects of the hormones in any type of pill -- regardless of the hormonal release schedule -- like weight gain and emotional unpredictability and, worst, feeling dry. It's fun every now and then, if you're going for the porno explosion of grandeur, but as a regular thing, I was left feeling empty. In the gender-bending skit Nina Fred Armisen , a curvy gal with a red-haired bob and a girly voice, tells Lance Carrie Brownstein , a dark-haired, deep-voiced dude with a mustache and ponytail, that she thinks she's pregnant. We were married five years later and had our daughter when I was 35, our son when I was I sat on the pre-op bed and talked with my male nurse, who was funny, chatty and comforting. It was a breeze compared to the necessary, medical surgery I had endured in the summer. It would mean no more children, taking away that privilege. But for me, losing the baby weight kicked up my sex drive and boosted my confidence.
I thought the "quick-fix" made the most sense, since it's a fast, easy procedure, with no waiting period for unprotected sex. I had always wanted to be a mother and feel blessed by my kids. Normally averse to any type of surgical procedure -- and too squeamish to endure a vasectomy despite my years of suggestion -- he was excited about this one, and said his mother had her tubes tied after her third kid, his sister, in the s. And I was right. I'm not advocating weight loss for everyone. Ultimate freedom awaited me. I hope more women who are done with or not interested in having children -- and who practice "safe sex" -- can experience the same joys of sex that I do. Like Betty Draper on Mad Men, with my new body came other changes. It all started 16 years ago, when I began dating my husband, to whom I've been married for nearly 11 years. For me, sex, a thrill-ride, is mostly about connection. But for me, losing the baby weight kicked up my sex drive and boosted my confidence. The surgery and recovery were a walk in the park. Since I didn't want to experiment with any devices like a diaphragm or IUD, which releases hormones and can have painful side effects, or try any more hormonal methods like a patch or a routine injection, we resorted to the easiest method of birth control we knew: I'm the Pull-Out King. It would mean no more children, taking away that privilege. I finally showed the brochures to my husband. The problem with the pull-out method, other than being unreliable, is that I grew tired of it quickly. The morning of the procedure, the day before Thanksgiving, I woke up and left the house at dawn. I had planned on surprising him, but was glad I included him in the process. The procedure took about half an hour. Would I ever want a third child? Later, I experienced some minor cramping nothing beyond needing a Motrin and some spotting, which lightened but continued for about a month. I played this loop over until I was sure of my decision, my choice, to not bear any more children. I am opening myself up to writing about these procedures because they have been gratifying for me. But after a while: To prove his status, Lance has a showdown with the owner of a pull-out sofa shop Jeff Goldblum , who advertises himself as the "Pull-Out King.
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