How to enjoy self sex
So many of the messages sent out to young people are about the dangers of sex or dating, are about saying no to sex based on very general and arbitrary ethics that may not be your own, and make sex out to be the Big Bad, when really, it doesn't have to be. It's why it's not uncommon for teens to be very enthusiastic about something one month that's completely forgotten the next. So, dig in and educate yourself! We have longer lifespans, different and more complex health issues, we choose not to procreate, we have factors in our lives and culture that make our relationships more complex. Sex can be a veritable minefield when it comes to game-playing, delusion, manipulation and control, even when no one intends any of those things. If you know you can't be sexually active without lying to friends and family, consider putting a hold on things until you can be honest about that. End with more kisses and a snuggle. Further your sexual education. And the state of our bodies effects the state of our minds:
We all err sometimes; we learn, we move on. Sex can be a veritable minefield when it comes to game-playing, delusion, manipulation and control, even when no one intends any of those things. Most of us adults have been in relationships where we've voiced deeper feelings than our partner felt, or asked for more than they could give, and that's resulted in a split we didn't want. Be your whole self, not just your sexual self. Being able to talk openly about sex can't just protect our hearts, minds and bodies, it can save our lives. Having more transparency in your sexual relationship and taking risks with your partner will keep your relationship healthy, strong and exciting. Honor your feelings, even when it's a bummer. Then, go to the bedroom, lock the door, light a candle, put on Pandora Radio and go in for the kiss. After all, if you don't have your whole, own self, you've got nothing to give and share with anyone else. The messages we're sent via our culture and media about our bodies are almost always about how they look or how perfect they should be, and more specifically, how they look to the opposite sex despite the fact that some of us aren't even interested in the opposite sex, all of the time, or ever. If you hit a sticking point with yourself or someone else, pull out the lists and take a look -- you can then get a good, objective look to help you honor your feelings, even when it's hard to do. In fact, when you think about it, men are mostly responsible for initiating and leading the sex experience. But it's only one part of many. Be your own your first partner, before anyone else. Take a mirror and see what is downstairs already. At best, being unable to communicate can greatly limit our pleasure, enjoyment or emotional well-being. So, take a good look at them, even if they're not so realistic. Open your eyes and look at your partner during the occasion to catch their eye. Get yourself one good sexuality or sexual health book as a primer from your local bookstore. Most of us are pretty restless in our teens: No one is ever going to know your body like you are, and no one else is ever going to be able to GET to know your body well unless you do to begin with. On websites and with books, look for mentions or endorsements by credible organizations or resources in sexuality and sexual health. If you have a good idea of what they are, in a given situation or in general, you're in a better place to honor them, to see how they may or may not be creating obstacles, to get a good idea of what you really want and need so you'll be able to recognize when those needs can be met and when they can't. Screw magazines that tell you to focus on what you'd like to improve about your body. If we find we're sticking in a relationship where we know our partner wants things we can't or don't want to give, for instance, we're likely not honoring our feelings, perhaps because we don't want to hurt them, or because we're afraid of being without a partner, or because we just don't want to make a huge mistake. If you need extra help when it comes to appearances, instead of comparing yourself to fashion mags, get some pictures of your relatives, as far back as you can go, if they're available to you. Be proud of yourself that you did something different sexually tonight.
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